Reedsy for Marie? Italic dilemma

I have been a member of Reedsy for a while. In fact I have some books half-written there in the marketing hub. But, I recently found a branch of Reedsy called Discovery and am finding it very interesting. To date I have encountered about 20 new "friends" who are also authors, readers and reviewers. I feel a good vibe here and will post a bit more when I work through their offerings. I could not choose 5 people, so I clicked "all" and am now following 501 people! (A novice at work) I have uploaded my latest book, Quest & Crown but found I got confused when the first chapter did not load properly and it ended up with over 4,000 words, which alerted me because I purposely designed my chapters to be 2,000 words only, or thereabouts. I still have not worked that one out. Another problem I encountered was uploading my full interior or story. It had to be a PDF file, which is fine. Immediately their checker wanted to change my opening lines to italics, which is a possibility for this book, but I had not chosen it. Now I am in a quandry about many sections of this book as it has a good deal of internal dialogue because of its nature, a lone horseman who has a mission. Having read up on this subject, I find that it is the author's choice whether or not to inform the reader that these words are internal or spoken. It was a rather interesting lesson I picked up and I agreed with it. If I use italics the reader may be distracted somewhat from the story, but to clarify its intent, it needs to be clear to the reader. So, back to basics, I am taking the advice of the tutorial and changing certain internal dialogue or thought patterns to italics. Now that I am on this track, I find it is not a simple: he though, he mused, he cogitated, or wondered, because much of the dialogue does not contain the words listed, so I need to read right through the story 61,000 words or 430 pages, which makes it a bigger job. I shall do so, as of course I wish the reader to enjoy her experience and not feel confused. Already my proofreader (darling hubby) read through and picked up one section he was not sure about. I took this advice and changed the wording a little to ensure clarity. Wish me luck with this project. I am as usual going it alone, by prayer and song, and of course, inspiration from above. It is not a Christian book per se, but has good morals entwined in it. After all, people have good and bad things inside and it is more interesting to read about a person who mirrors reality. So far, I spent about one and a half hours yesterday, but was interrupted by a long telephone call, which I did enjoy. Also, I had to a quick shop for something, so that took about two hours. I got to page 105 by nightfall when I was tired. I find editing the most tiring of all jobs in writing and have to fight writer's fatigue the whole way. I put this down to age, but I know it is also boring to read something over and over again, detecting errors. But, it is necessary. If I had a bucket of money I could, perhaps, ask someone to run through the text, but they would need to be a thinker, even a writer as well. I have paid for editing previously, and I was disappointed. I just don't have money to throw here and there into mist. Unfortunately it may be my pride or determination, or doggedness. I have written this story in past tense and present tense, also present perfect tense, so is tricky. Be back soon. Love M

Virgin Queen Face Off

Torn - CreateSpace

Tweet to @TwitterDev

Clam Heart

This is a question I ask myself today.
We all need to be loved.
We all need to be appreciated.
How does this work?
Searching the inner sanctum, the heart, for me,  reveals that if I feel I am being taken for granted causes the heart to 'clam up' like the proverbial clam that needs hot water or a sharp knife to open up.

What causes this to happen?
A day or so ago I had this happen to me. Someone presumed on my helpfulness and gave me some things to do for them. These things were not something hard or difficult, just common editing tasks that I do all the time. (Don't get too keen to send me yours yet)
I noticed that I felt my heart 'clam up' after reading the requests. There was no word of thanks, or please, or 'could you' here.

I thought "Get over it". Why do I expect to be asked nicely to do something (free) for someone? I did not offer free editing at someone's expectation. I am not someone's dogsbody.
After that happened, my day went from bad to worse.
I was clamming up at every roadblock. I refused to iron a shirt. I refused to send a file. I refused to make someone lunch (and I was starving).
This kind of behaviour is like a kid's behaviour, and I was behaving badly.
But, the clam remained closed across my heart.

I tried to watch a Christian TV show today but there was none around. Christians should just read their Bible, shouldn't they? Yes. Of course. But, in the mornings my eyes refuse to wake up and I struggle to read with my fogged up glasses. (Condition of getting older)
I can read well past midnight but first thing in the morning - struggle.

I did manage to get a Christian discussion online, one regarding our culture and world view and applying Christianity to our daily lives. That interested me and I watched for a while. It was rather interesting. The discussion was about a frozen heart and how to heal it. The movie Frozen was discussed briefly, uncovering the underlying themes there: frozen heart and how to heal it; finding the real problem and solution within self.

For me, this makes some kind of sense, but not totally. My heart remains a clam. I cannot agree that people should be expected to 'jump so high' on demand. I guess I am 'taking umbridge' as a dear friend used to put it. Truly at the end of the day, I believe that gratefulness and appreciation are a must for our humanity to flourish, or to function.
For me, I just could not function for about 4 hours after this clam up. I was stuck.

A simple, 'thank you' or 'sorry' or 'I appreciate you' is such a necessity for me. I believe it is a natural need that is not always available, or given.
What makes someone so important that good manners and ordinary love thy neighbour is unnecessary?

I make a pledge with myself and my creator that I will try to be more appreciative from today, to help others not to get a clam heart.
Even Jesus said, "I thank you Father..." before he broke bread.

In the meantime, who is suffering for this lack of courtesy - I am.  What is the solution if no thanks are there?  I talked to God (even that seemed stifled) and let time go by (sleep).

This morning, my beloved was extra kind to me, cooking up a delicious (fried) breakfast, which I ate heartily. He kissed me and I certainly am opening my clammy heart once again.

Love to hear how you cope?